All I Really Need to Know in Life I Learned This Week

26 07 2008

So here’s a rundown of the valuable life lessons learned this week:

1.) If you’re a jackass when you drink, there is no amount of liquor that will make you less so. And when a friend’s spouse is annoyed with you for something assy you said or did, it is not a good idea to drunk dial said spouse to plead your case and try to get back in their good graces. Especially when you’re drunk to the point of forgetting said spouse’s name. And definitely not a good idea if you’re even the slightest bit belligerent when intoxicated.

2.) Even when the “empty” light is not on, if your gas gauge is on “E,” you are out of gas. Period.

3.) Hot dogs, no matter how finely diced, do not belong in your nose.

4.) Do not rely on the “recall email” function to save your ass when you reply to a client’s email with the cute, flip humor you’re known for, when you actually meant to FOWARD that email to a co-worker.

5.) Those personality quirks you found charming in your spouse when you were dating? Yeah, they’ll make you want to stab him/her in the eye with a pencil when you’re trying to quit smoking.

6.) After day 4, it’s not the nicotine I crave, so much as the routine I had (remember I’m very set in my ways, so even tiny upsets to my normal behavior patterns can be upsetting).

Hope this helps as you wend your way through this crazy maze we call life. Any questions? See the guy in the kitchen. I’ll be out back, taking a smoke break (just kidding!).

Speaking of quitting smoking, I’m on day 6, but I did cheat yesterday. Just once and I didn’t enjoy it as much as I thought I would. I felt dizzy and nauseous, plus I couldn’t stop coughing. It was like my lungs were saying, “what are you doing to us? We don’t like this! We were clean and now look at what you’ve done!” Kinda sounds like me when I’m trying to serve the kids lunch and NOT have the dining room look like a bomb went off.

On this weekend’s agenda – the budget, hiding from the kids, and latest challenge from the Daring Bakers. This one’s going to take a while, but it’s going to be sooooo good!

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