25 05 2008

I’ve often heard that a dream is only interesting to the person who has it, but since this is my blog, ha ha, you’re going to hear it anyway. I have been dreaming about dead people mistreating me – my mom and my beloved B. Why is that?

Last night, I dreamed about B. In my dream, he sent a message through a waitress, saying that he wanted to slow our relationship down and that I shouldn’t count on an engagement ring, but then, later in the dream, somehow, the message that he wanted to marry me more than anything came to me. What does that mean? Does that mean that he deliberately slowed our relationship down because he somehow knew he wasn’t going to be around? Is he trying to send me a message now – 7 years later?

And, what I’ve been struggling with is how do you say to someone who’s no longer here, “I’m not over you  yet and I don’t know if I ever will be?” How do you know if, despite the fact that you’ve done your best to go on with your life, you’re truly happy? I admit that I am monumentally screwed up that way. Sometimes, I don’t know which way is up and now, this. What does all of this mean?




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